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In a world where responsibilities and pressures compete with one another, the question of priorities remains pressing:
Where does a man begin? And who has the greater claim on him: his Lord or his wife? His family or his society?
In this article, we delve into the depths of the Quranic texts and the narrations of the Ahl al-Bayt (the Household of the Prophet), peace be upon them, to draw a balanced map of the most important priorities of the believing man.
We also analyse contemporary sayings such as "Happy Wife, Happy Life" by the measure of the Sharīʿa (Islamic law) and reason, and show how these priorities can be applied in an age of speed, technology and shifting values.
If you are looking for a genuine balance between religion and worldly life, this article was written for you.
Article Summary
This article reviews the ordering of a man's priorities in life from a Shīʿī Islamic perspective, drawing on the Holy Quran and the reliable narrations from the Ahl al-Bayt (ʿa), together with a contemporary social analysis that addresses the challenges of the modern age and the change in values and relationships.
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Striving Against the Self
Is jihād al-nafs (striving against the self) a harsh struggle or a journey of awareness? Discover how tazkiyah (purification of the soul) brings you back to God through balanced steps.
The article begins with the ordering of the general priorities in a man's life: piety (taqwā) and faith stand at the top of the hierarchy, followed by care for the family (parents, wife, children), then work and lawful earning, the pursuit of knowledge and self-development, righteous friendship and maintaining ties of kinship, and finally service to society. These priorities are interconnected, and the believing man must handle them with balance and awareness.
The article then moves on to particular contexts, such as how to order priorities in times of crisis, while building a family, during stages of seeking knowledge, or when engaging in social work and religious outreach (daʿwa), explaining that Islam always calls for conscious flexibility without compromising the fixed principles.
The article also addresses certain contemporary sayings such as "Happy Wife, Happy Life", showing that Islam acknowledges the importance of making one's wife happy but does not make her the sole axis of life; rather, it calls for balance between the rights of the wife and the rights of Allah, the parents and society.
The article concludes with a contemporary social analysis of how to apply these priorities in an age dominated by technology, work pressures and shifts in values. It stresses that the Muslim man in the modern age needs insight, discipline over his time and flexibility in practice, without giving up his principles and his religious commitment, so that he remains steadfast on the path of balance between this world and the Hereafter.
General Priorities in the Life of the Believing Man
Islam presents a balanced vision that regulates the human being's relationship with this world and the Hereafter, without excess or neglect. Allah the Exalted addressed the human being, saying: ﴿وَابْتَغِ فِيمَا آتَاكَ اللَّهُ الدَّارَ الْآخِرَةَ ۖ وَلَا تَنْسَ نَصِيبَكَ مِنَ الدُّنْيَا﴾ "But seek, through that which Allah has given you, the home of the Hereafter, and do not forget your share of the world."
This indicates the obligation to strive for the Hereafter through action in this world, without neglecting legitimate worldly rights. In the Prophetic hadith, this balance is emphasised: «لا ينبغي للعاقل أن يكون ظاعناً إلّا في ثلاث: مَرَمَّةٌ لمعاش، أو تزوّدٌ لمعاد، أو لذّةٌ في غير مُحرَّم» "It does not befit the rational person to set out except for three things: mending his livelihood, gathering provision for his return [to Allah], or a pleasure in what is not forbidden."
That is, the rational believer journeys through his intellectual and practical life along three major axes: setting right his worldly livelihood, preparing for his return in the Hereafter, and attaining lawful enjoyments that help him and renew his vigour without sin. On this basis, the fundamental priorities in the life of the believing man can be ordered as follows:
Faith, piety and obedience to Allah: At the forefront of priorities come a man's faith and his commitment to his religious duties and Islamic morals. Faith is the compass that directs all the other affairs of his life. It is reported that Amīr al-Muʾminīn (the Commander of the Faithful) ʿAlī (ʿa) said: «إنما يُعرف الناس بدينهم وأخلاقهم» "People are known only by their religion and their character."
(the gist of several narrations). Evidence is also drawn from the words of the Exalted: ﴿إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ﴾ "Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most pious of you."
(al-Ḥujurāt: 13); piety, then, is the head of all priorities. The believer is therefore keen to perform the obligatory duties, avoid what is forbidden, and make the pleasure of Allah the highest aim of every deed he does.
Caring for the family (parents, wife and children): The family is the nucleus of society and the object of special care in Islam. Dutifulness to parents comes in an advanced rank after faith, followed by care for the wife and children. The Prophet Muhammad (ṣ) affirmed this order by saying: «خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهلي» "The best of you is the best of you to his family, and I am the best of you to my family."
This makes good treatment of one's wife and children a measure of a man's goodness. Imam Zayn al-ʿĀbidīn (ʿa) explains the right of the wife, saying: «وحقُّ الزوجة أن تعلم أنَّ الله عزَّ وجلَّ جعلها لك سكنًا وأنسًا... فتُكرِمَها وترفقَ بها...* ولها عليك أن ترحمها، لأنَّها أسيرك**»* "The right of the wife is that you know that Allah, Mighty and Majestic, has made her a repose and a comfort for you... so you should honour her and be gentle with her... And she has the right over you that you show her mercy, for she is your captive."
The wife is a life partner, and her comfort is a religious responsibility of her husband. Likewise, children have the right to upbringing and kindness; Imam ʿAlī ibn al-Ḥusayn (ʿa) says: «وحقّ ولدك أن تعلم أنّه منك... وأنّك مسؤولٌ عمّا ولّيته من حسن الأدب، والدلالة على ربّه، والمعونة له على طاعته...» "The right of your child is that you know that he is from you... and that you are responsible for what has been entrusted to you of good upbringing, guiding him to his Lord, and helping him to obey Him..."
The man's duty, therefore, is to raise his family on faith and values while providing for their material and psychological needs.
Work and lawful earning (livelihood): Striving to earn a lawful living is among the most important priorities, because it enables a man to support himself and his dependants and to serve his society. The texts warn against negligence in matters of livelihood; it is narrated that Imam al-Ṣādiq (ʿa) said: «الكادُّ على عياله كالمجاهد في سبيل الله» "One who toils for his dependants is like one who strives in the way of Allah."
That is, whoever exerts himself to keep his family from want and spends on them from what is lawful has a reward like one who strives in the way of Allah. It also appears in the narrations of the Ahl al-Bayt: «من لا معاش له لا معاد له» "Whoever has no livelihood has no Hereafter."
meaning that whoever neglects the means of living and sits idle exposes his Hereafter to danger, because poverty and need may lead to weakness of faith or the abandonment of duties. The believer therefore sets out earnestly in pursuit of lawful provision, committed to honesty and justice, and fulfils the rights of Allah and of people in his wealth, such as zakāt (obligatory alms), khums (the one-fifth levy) and voluntary charity. Imam al-Ṣādiq (ʿa) was asked about a man who loves to accumulate wealth and intends to spend it on good causes, the Hajj and the ʿUmra, and he (ʿa) said: «ليس هذا طلبَ الدنيا، هذا طلبُ الآخرة» "This is not seeking the world; this is seeking the Hereafter."
Seeking a livelihood with the intention of keeping oneself from want and spending in acts of obedience is, in reality, part of worship and of striving for the Hereafter.
Seeking knowledge and self-development: Knowledge is a light by which a man is guided in his religion and his worldly life, and Islam has made it an obligation upon every Muslim man and woman. Striving to acquire religious knowledge (fiqh, i.e. jurisprudence; doctrine; and ethics) and beneficial worldly knowledge (such as the sciences and crafts) is a priority after the basic necessities. The Messenger of Allah (ṣ) said: «طلب العلم فريضة على كل مسلم ومسلمة» "Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim man and woman."
And it is reported from Imam ʿAlī (ʿa): «إن الله تعالى إذا أراد بعبدٍ خيرًا فقّهه في الدين» "When Allah the Exalted wills good for a servant, He grants him understanding of the religion."
The believing man thus sets aside time daily or weekly for learning: he reads the Quran and books of hadith and jurisprudence and strives to understand the matters of his religion, while at the same time developing his scientific or professional skills so as to be an effective member of society. The Messenger of Allah (ṣ) said: «اغدُ عالمًا أو متعلمًا، وإياك أن تكون لاهيًا متلذذًا» "Go forth each morning as a scholar or a learner, and beware of being one who idles in amusement and pleasure."
as a warning that a person should not waste his time in amusement at the expense of knowledge. Continuous learning is considered an investment for both the Hereafter and this world, because it raises a person's standing and increases his competence in bearing responsibilities.
Righteous friendship and society: Islam emphasises choosing righteous companionship as one of the priorities of a man's social life. Friends have a profound influence on a person's thought and behaviour, as narrated from the Prophet (ṣ): «المرء على دين خليله، فلينظر أحدكم مَن يُخالل» "A person follows the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look to whom he befriends."
This Prophetic counsel makes the choice of a righteous friend a matter of great importance: the company of the good helps one towards piety and uprightness, while keeping company with the wicked corrupts both religion and worldly life. The believer therefore considers those he mixes with and spends his time with: do they remind him of Allah and help him towards good, or the opposite? Imam al-Ṣādiq (ʿa) likened a bad friend to one who leads his companion to ruin, saying: «مَن يصحب صاحب السوء لا يسلم» "Whoever keeps company with an evil companion will not remain safe."
On the other hand, Islam encourages building a network of brotherhood in faith: «استَكثِروا من الإخوان فإنّ لكل مؤمن شفاعةً يوم القيامة» "Have many brothers, for every believer has [the right of] intercession on the Day of Resurrection."
(a noble narration). Friendship for the sake of Allah thus brings a positive effect in both this world and the Hereafter. Maintaining ties of kinship and being a good neighbour should also be included in this social priority, for a cohesive society begins with sound family and social relationships.
Serving people and society: The concerns of the believing man are not confined to himself and his family alone; they extend to serving his society and his Umma, proceeding from the principle of mutual solidarity and beneficence. Serving creation is among the best means of drawing near to Allah; the Messenger of Allah (ṣ) said: «الخلق عيال الله، فأحب الخلق إلى الله من نفعَ عيالَ الله وأدخل على أهل بيتٍ سرورًا» "Creation is the family of Allah, and the most beloved of creation to Allah is the one who benefits the family of Allah and brings joy to a household."
Bringing joy to others and fulfilling their needs is thus considered worship. It is reported from Imam al-Ṣādiq (ʿa): «من سعى لأخيه المؤمن في حاجةٍ قضى الله له بها سبعين حاجة من حوائج الآخرة» "Whoever strives to fulfil a need of his believing brother, Allah will thereby fulfil for him seventy of his needs of the Hereafter."
The believer therefore balances his personal duties with voluntary and social work: he takes part in charitable works, helps the poor and needy, and contributes to reconciling people and giving counsel to society. This social concern is one of the pillars of the priorities, because Islam wants society to rise through the cooperation and mutual support of its members. The Prophet (ṣ) made a person's love of good for his brothers a sign of faith, saying: «لا يؤمن أحدكم حتى يحب لأخيه ما يحب لنفسه» "None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."
(a hadith muttafaq ʿalayh, i.e. agreed upon). Accordingly, the righteous man serves his society out of a motive of faith, and balances this with his care for himself and his family.
These six priorities are interconnected and complement one another; they in no way imply conflict or absolute ranking between them. Rather, the religious rule is to give every rightful party its due. Faith is the foundation and the axis; the family then sits at the heart; and work, knowledge, righteous companionship and serving people all revolve in the orbit of sound faith. Part of the fiqh of priorities is that no aspect should overwhelm another in a way that disturbs the balance: it is not right for a man to become absorbed in serving society and forget his family, nor to drown in work and accumulating wealth and neglect his prayer or his learning, and so on. This precise balance is exactly what the teachings of Islam laid out and what the narrations of the Ahl al-Bayt (ʿa) identified. It is a mark of divine success to find a man achieving success in his worldly life by building it up, while at the same time gathering provision for his Hereafter through righteous deeds, as Imam ʿAlī (ʿa) described the state of the pious: «فشاركوا أهل الدنيا في دنياهم ولم يشاركوا أهل الدنيا في آخرتهم، سكنوا الدنيا بأفضل ما سكنت وأكلوها بأفضل ما أكلت، فحظوا من الدنيا بما حظي به المترفون، وأخذوا منها ما أخذه الجبابرة المتكبرون، ثم انقلبوا عنها بالزاد المبلغ والمتجر الرابح» "They shared with the people of this world in their world, but the people of this world did not share with them in their Hereafter. They dwelt in this world in the best way it can be dwelt in and ate of it in the best way it can be eaten; they enjoyed of this world what the affluent enjoyed and took from it what the arrogant tyrants took, then they departed from it with provision sufficient to reach [their destination] and a profitable trade."
(Nahj al-Balāgha).
Priorities in Particular Contexts
The believing man may face changes and particular circumstances during his life that require a temporary reordering of priorities while holding fast to the fixed religious principles. Among the most prominent of these contexts are:
During Crises and Hardships
In crises – whether financial, health-related, emotional or security-related – the fiqh of priorities emerges clearly. A man must then focus on the most important, then the important, in order to overcome the ordeal with the least religious and worldly loss. For example, in a financial crisis or straitened living, necessities must be put before luxuries: the man takes care to meet the basic needs of his dependants (food, housing and medical treatment), even if he has to reduce his standard of comfort or secondary spending. Amīr al-Muʾminīn (ʿa) said in times of famine: «ابدأ بمن تعول» "Begin with those you support."
(that is, give priority to providing for your dependants). At the same time, he must safeguard his religion and his trust in Allah and not be drawn into forbidden things such as usury (ribā) or consuming wealth unjustly under the pretext of securing a living, for reliance on Allah goes hand in hand with lawful striving.
As for health or security crises (such as wars and disasters), the first priority is safety and the preservation of one's own life and the lives of one's dependants, because the preservation of life is one of the five universal objectives of the Sharīʿa. Therefore, in such a situation a person may lighten some recommended acts, or even secondary obligations, if his security or health is threatened, until he has passed the danger. In the case of serious illness, for example, the duty of seeking treatment and rest takes precedence over many voluntary activities, in obedience to the words of the Exalted: ﴿وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ﴾ "And do not kill yourselves."
(al-Nisāʾ: 29), and in accordance with the rule "لا ضرر ولا ضرار" "There shall be no harm and no reciprocal harm."
In general crises such as wars or an epidemic (like the COVID-19 pandemic), social cooperation and relief become a collective priority, "for the level of one's capacity to think about other things declines when a person's daily bread is hard to come by and his health is under threat." The narration cited earlier, «من لا معاش له لا معاد له» "Whoever has no livelihood has no Hereafter."
has been mentioned in this context, meaning that in times of hardship efforts should be concentrated on securing the necessities of living and health for people before anything else, after which comes the role of awareness-raising, education and other activities. The believing man in hardship makes relieving the distressed and helping those around him a duty given precedence (after preserving his own life), following the way of the Prophet (ṣ) and the Imams in sacrifice and selflessness in times of crisis.
When Building and Forming a Family
The stage of marriage and founding a family is a pivotal stage in which a man's priorities change markedly. Having been responsible only for himself, he becomes responsible for a wife and life partner, and later for children. Here the duties of the family and care for the wife and children move up the ladder of priorities. Islam teaches us that marriage is in itself a righteous deed and a source of reward, but it comes with a great responsibility. At this stage, the man makes it his aim to build a safe Muslim home founded on affection and mercy (as in the words of the Exalted: ﴿وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً﴾ "And He placed between you affection and mercy."
– al-Rūm: 21). The priority is embodied first in choosing a righteous, believing wife well, and then in treating her well and living with her in kindness, in obedience to the verse: ﴿وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴾ "And live with them in kindness."
(al-Nisāʾ: 19). For example, a man may need to adjust his time between seeking knowledge or work and giving his wife her due share of attention and affection. The birth and upbringing of children then adds another dimension to the priorities: raising children on religion and good character and educating them becomes an urgent task through which the parents draw near to Allah. Hence a man may prefer stability in a particular job or city out of regard for the interests of his family and children in education and upbringing, even if the opportunities for profit elsewhere are greater, because he weighs the material and moral interests of the family. We have an example in the life of Amīr al-Muʾminīn (ʿa) and the family of Fāṭima al-Zahrāʾ (ʿa), who presented us with the model of the believing family cooperating in obedience to Allah, sharing roles in the home, and sacrificing for the children (such as the story of their giving their food to the needy, the orphan and the captive while they themselves were in the direst need of it – Sūrat al-Insān). Building a family thus requires a man to place the value of family stability and upbringing above considerations of personal amusement or selfishness. Likewise, in the case of marital disputes or problems, the priority is reconciliation and preserving the family as far as possible before thinking of separation, in accordance with the hadith: «ما زال جبرائيل يوصيني بالمرأة حتى ظننت أنه سيحرم طلاقها» "Gabriel kept enjoining me concerning women until I thought he would forbid divorcing them."
(narrated in works on family etiquette). In short, at the stage of building a family, a man redistributes his time, effort and money to meet the needs of his family first, while of course continuing with the essentials of his religion and his livelihood.
During the Stage of Religious or Academic Study
When the believing man enters an intensive stage of seeking knowledge – whether religious knowledge in the ḥawza (seminary) or academic knowledge at university and the like – this affects the scheduling of his daily priorities. However, Islam did not wish the pursuit of knowledge to be isolated from other duties; on the contrary, it made learning itself an act of worship as long as it is done with a sound intention. At this stage, the worship of learning occupies an advanced rank: the Messenger of Allah (ṣ) said: «فضل العالم على العابد كفضل القمر على سائر النجوم ليلة البدر» "The superiority of the scholar over the worshipper is like the superiority of the moon over all the other stars on the night of the full moon."
(narrated by al-Ṣādiq (ʿa) as part of a hadith), in praise of the fact that devoting time to acquiring knowledge is in itself a means of drawing near to Allah. The student of knowledge may therefore sacrifice some comforts or reduce his hours of paid work if he is devoting himself to study, but on condition that he does not neglect the obligatory rights of others. For example, if he is married or supports a family, he may not fall short in providing for them under the pretext of seeking knowledge; he must either reconcile the two or reduce additional material expenses. If, however, he is unmarried and supports no one, he may devote most of his time and effort to study, keeping in mind the intention of serving religion and society with his knowledge. Even so, he must not forget his share of physical and spiritual self-development; he balances study with rest for the body and worship of the heart, so that no lethargy or exhaustion sets in that would keep him from his goal. It has been said: "إن لبدنك عليك حقًا، وإن لروحك عليك حقًا" "Your body has a right over you, and your soul has a right over you."
The student of knowledge makes moderation his method: he neither exhausts himself to the point of breaking off, nor grows lazy in reaching his aim. If seeking knowledge conflicts with a weightier duty, he may give that duty precedence temporarily and then return to his studies; an example of this is what some of the companions of the Imams did when they left the circles of learning for defensive jihad when the situation required it. What matters is that priorities remain flexible within their religious framework: knowledge keeps its priority unless more binding priorities compete with it.
Serving Society and Engaging in Public Work
The believing man may find himself in a position of social, political or religious outreach service that demands considerable effort and time, such as taking on responsibility in a local community, being active in daʿwa or reform, or championing a just cause. In this situation, he must reorder his priorities without violating the fixed principles. Serving society is part of religion, but it does not exempt him from his other duties. At the level of principle, he should take care to observe the following:
Not falling short in his family's rights: Many of those working for public reform fall into the error of neglecting their families on the pretext of being occupied with the affairs of the Umma. Islam does not sanction this neglect, since dutifulness to parents and the rights of the wife and children do not conflict with the duty of serving society; rather, both are obligations in their proper place. The righteous husband balances time for his family with time for his public activity. If he comes under great pressure, he may temporarily reduce his social activity until he has fulfilled his family's rights. It is narrated that the Prophet (ṣ) warned against devoting oneself entirely to worship at the expense of one's dependants, and that he confirmed what Salmān al-Fārisī said to Abū al-Dardāʾ: «ولأهلك عليك حقًا» "And your family has a right over you."
The preacher or activist should therefore stay in contact with his family and check on them, even when immersed in his public work.
Not neglecting himself and his soul: Serving people is exhausting work and may distract a person from his spiritual devotions and his physical health. He must find time to renew his faith through worship and intimate supplication, so as to preserve his sincerity and draw help from Allah. The Imams (ʿa), despite being occupied with the concerns of the Umma, set aside times for seclusion with Allah, Mighty and Majestic.
Ordering priorities within public work itself: For example, if he is engaged in political or social work, he must balance principles and goals. He does not sacrifice his moral principles for a passing political interest. Let him put the most important first, then the important: for instance, making support for the oppressed and the establishment of justice paramount, above narrow partisan considerations. In this he proceeds from the guidance of Amīr al-Muʾminīn (ʿa) in his covenant to Mālik al-Ashtar, where he said: «ليكن أحب الأمور إليك أوسطها في الحق وأعمها في العدل وأجمعها لرضى الرعية» "Let the dearest of matters to you be the most moderate in right, the most comprehensive in justice, and the most encompassing of the people's contentment."
(Nahj al-Balāgha). That is, he gives precedence to what serves the just common good over everything else.
To sum up the particular contexts: conscious flexibility is the key. A man takes into account the circumstance he is going through: when a crisis strikes, necessities come first; when he builds a family, he puts its duties first; when he devotes himself to knowledge, he concentrates on it without neglecting the obligations; and when he serves his society, he fulfils the various rights in balance. In all these situations, the religious and moral compass remains fixed; only the order of practical priorities changes according to each circumstance, in accordance with the words of Allah the Exalted: ﴿فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ﴾ "So be mindful of Allah as much as you are able."
(al-Taghābun: 16). Islam is a religion of flexibility and tolerance; it does not burden a soul beyond its capacity, and it balances duties by giving precedence to the more important when they conflict.
Contemporary Sayings about the Marital Relationship: "Happy Wife, Happy Life" and Theories of Feminist Centrality
In the modern age, popular expressions and intellectual trends have emerged concerning the relationship between a man and a woman (his wife), such as the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life" (the wife's happiness means a happy life for the husband), as well as certain feminist theses that make the wife the centre of the man's life and the axis of his happiness. These sayings carry an element of truth, but they need to be analysed and evaluated in light of the Islamic vision of the relationship between spouses.
To begin with, Islam does not deny that the wife's happiness and contentment is a very important factor in the stability of married life and in the happiness of the husband himself. Whoever lives in a home pervaded by affection and understanding will surely enjoy his life. We have already come across the hadith of the Prophet (ṣ): «خيركم خيركم لأهله» "The best of you is the best of you to his family."
which directs a man to devote his goodness and tenderness to his family first. It is reported that Imam al-Ṣādiq (ʿa) said: «عيالُ الرجل أسراؤه، وأحبُّ العباد إلى الله عزّ وجلّ أحسنهم صنيعًا إلى أسرائه» "A man's dependants are his captives, and the most beloved of servants to Allah, Mighty and Majestic, is the one who treats his captives best."
Making one's wife and family happy is thus at the very core of the Islamic way, and falls under the heading of beneficence for which a man is rewarded. Some narrations even urge a man to adorn himself for his wife just as he would like her to adorn herself for him, and to show her love and affection. From this standpoint, the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life" partly agrees with Islamic teachings, which make the wife's comfort one of the husband's responsibilities. The Prophet (ṣ) said: «إنك لن تنفق نفقةً تبتغي بها وجه الله إلا أُجرت عليها، حتى ما تجعل في فم امرأتك» "You will not spend anything seeking thereby the Face of Allah except that you will be rewarded for it, even what you place in your wife's mouth."
That is, even the morsel a man feeds his wife with love and sincerity is a charity for which he is rewarded. This is an eloquent affirmation that making one's wife happy is worship and a cause of happiness in both this world and the Hereafter.
On the other hand, however, Islam does not consider pleasing the wife to be the absolute goal for which a man sacrifices everything regardless of other considerations. The wife is an important part of a man's life, not the whole of it. There are also the rights of parents, ties of kinship, and the duties of religion and society, which must not be neglected. Contemporary theories influenced by feminist thought may portray the man as obliged to make his wife's happiness his sole concern, even at the expense of himself, his other relatives, or even his principles. The Islamic view, however, is balanced: yes to honouring the wife and making her happy, but within the framework of Allah's pleasure and justice towards all other parties. There is no obedience to a created being – be it a wife or anyone else – in disobedience to the Creator. If the wife asks for something contrary to the Sharīʿa or to the rights of others, the husband must decline gently and weigh the matter. Amīr al-Muʾminīn (ʿa) pointed to a trial that may arise in pleasing one's wife or family at the expense of religion; it is reported from him: «إيّاك ومشاورة النساء فإن رأيهن إلى أفن» "Beware of consulting women, for their opinion tends towards weakness."
– what is meant is a warning against blind compliance if their opinion contradicts what is right, not disregarding their counsel altogether. Islam thus rejects making any party an absolute centre around which married life revolves, other than the centrality of obedience to Allah the Exalted.
In the same vein, some advocates of "absolute equality" or radical feminism may call for the wife's contentment to be given absolute precedence over that of the man's parents, for example, on the grounds that the wife is a life partner while the parents are an old generation! From the Islamic perspective, this is an unacceptable transgression. The Sharīʿa gave the mother, for instance, such a great station that the Prophet (ṣ) said: «أمك ثم أمك ثم أمك ثم أبوك» "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father."
(in answer to the question of who is most deserving of good companionship). He did not say "your wife, then your wife"! Rather, he placed the wife's right within the bounds of living together in kindness, equity in maintenance, justice and love, and placed the parents' right in dutifulness, kindness and obedience in what is not sinful. A man is religiously required to give every rightful party its due: to be dutiful to his parents and maintain ties of kinship, to honour his wife and children, and not to neglect the affairs of his Umma either. If a conflict arises, he gives precedence to the more binding, then the next most binding. Suppose a wife asks her husband to cut off his relationship with his mother, say out of jealousy: he may not obey her in severing ties with his mother, because the mother's right is more binding; but he must also make the mother understand his wife's rights in kindness, so as to prevent injustice towards her. The Islamic equation calls for balance and justice in family relationships, not the denial of one person's role in favour of another.
As for the saying "the husband's happiness depends on his wife's happiness", in the sounder Islamic view the happiness of each depends on the happiness of the other, through realising mindfulness of Allah in their relationship. Just as the man should please his wife, so too the wife is religiously commanded to please her husband within the bounds of obedience to Allah. It is reported from Imam al-Bāqir (ʿa): «ما استفاد امرؤٌ مسلم فائدة بعد الإسلام أفضل من زوجة مسلمة تسرّه إذا نظر إليها وتحفظه إذا غاب عنها وتطيعه إذا أمرها» "A Muslim man has gained no benefit after Islam better than a Muslim wife who delights him when he looks at her, safeguards him when he is away from her, and obeys him when he instructs her."
(al-Kāfī). Marital happiness is thus a mutual demand, not the responsibility of the man alone. Yes, the man bears material qiwāma (guardianship and responsibility for maintenance), the duty of providing maintenance, and good companionship, seeking reward; and the woman bears being a good wife to her husband and caring for the home and children, seeking reward. When each party fulfils its duty, both attain happiness. If feminist discourse focuses only on the centrality of the wife's happiness, it may overlook this required reciprocity.
In short, Islam agrees with the positive essence of such contemporary sayings in the necessity of a man caring for his wife's happiness as an essential part of his own happiness, but Islam rejects any understanding that goes on to inflate this aspect at the expense of all other duties and relationships. Married life is part of a larger system in the believer's life, and it must remain in harmony with his faith, his dutifulness, his ties of kinship and his service to society. The Islamic view makes Allah the axis of life, and the happiness of the spouses is achieved by following Allah's command concerning them. If it is said "Happy Wife, Happy Life", we say yes, if she is Happy in God’s obedience [CHECK: English phrase in source uses "God"; house style requires "Allah"]; and likewise happy husband, happy wife, through cooperation in righteousness and piety. As for theories calling for the wife to be made the centre of the family universe in isolation from any other consideration, they are unbalanced views when compared with the comprehensive vision of Islam, which honours woman as wife and mother while at the same time preserving the man's other roles and the rights of the other parties. Whenever the Muslim husband applies the principle of justice and beneficence in every direction, he will achieve true happiness for all those around him, in balance and harmony.
Applying Priorities in Today's Changing World
The contemporary man faces new challenges that were not as acute in earlier times: the pace of life is accelerating, economic and social responsibilities are intertwined, and digital technology has entered every home and affected the shape of relationships. How, then, can the believing man apply the ordering of priorities now and in the future?
First: amid economic challenges and work pressures. Securing a dignified living has become more difficult in many societies because of the high cost of living or volatile labour markets. This may tempt some to immerse themselves excessively in work for long hours at the expense of other aspects of life. Here the importance of the fiqh of balancing comes to the fore: a man must strive in his work to earn lawful provision (for this is a duty and a priority, as we have said), but without becoming a slave to work or to the accumulation of wealth. It is not right for him to abandon his prayer on the pretext of work; rather, he arranges his time so as to perform the prayer on time even if he is at the office. Nor is it right for him to neglect his family entirely because of two or three jobs; rather, he tries as far as possible to organise his time so that there remains time for family, worship and rest. Modern technology (such as mobile phones and the internet), although it sometimes increases productivity, also allows greater flexibility in getting work done remotely, which can be used to spend more time at home. Good time management is therefore a modern necessity for preserving priorities: instead of wasting hours on social media or aimless entertainment, part of that time can be set aside for the family, for self-learning or for good deeds. Sound financial planning (saving, lawful investment and reducing luxury expenses) also helps a man avoid being forced into excessive, exhausting work out of desire for luxuries, so that he balances his body's right to rest, the right of his dependants, and the right of his Lord.
Second: in the face of the revolution in technology and social media. This revolution has brought a strange paradox: it has brought the distant near and made the near distant. You may find a man communicating virtually with dozens of people around the world and devoting time to them, while neglecting to sit with his family for one real hour. Addiction to the internet and social media has become a phenomenon affecting family cohesion, with each member occupied with his own screen in relative isolation even while they are under one roof. The practical application of priorities here requires self-discipline: the aware man must control his use of technology so that it does not divert him from his family and his duties. He could, for example, set himself daily phone-free hours to spend with his wife and children in conversation or a family activity, to restore warmth to real relationships. He also sets specific times for browsing the internet after completing his obligations and essential tasks, not at their expense. If he is a preacher or an intellectual who uses online platforms, he organises his time between publishing content and his private life. Technology is a double-edged tool; it can be put to positive use (such as distance learning, working from home and online daʿwa), but what matters is that it does not turn into an addiction that devours time without benefit. Experts advise adopting methods such as turning off unnecessary notifications, putting the phone away during family gatherings, and setting aside a weekly day for a family outing in nature without electronics... These are practical steps that make the family a tangible priority despite the crowding of technology.
Third: amid social and value shifts. The world today is witnessing rapid changes in values and norms. For example, the spread of consumerist and materialist culture may lead some away from the values of simplicity and contentment that religion called for. Here the believer must arm himself with awareness and insight so as not to be swept along. This is where continuous learning and understanding the objectives of the Sharīʿa come in, so that a man is able to distinguish the worthless from the valuable in new ideas. In family matters, for instance, he may hear strange ideas about gender roles or child-rearing, so he must return to the guidance of the Prophet and the Ahl al-Bayt to weigh them. Likewise, in the face of the wave of extravagant amusement and entertainment offered by technology (electronic games, streaming platforms), the believer sets himself limits derived from piety: he asks whether entertainment is overwhelming worship and work, whether the content is permissible, and he always gives precedence to what is most important. This does not mean isolating oneself from the age; on the contrary, he keeps pace with developments without losing his moral compass. He uses the internet, for example, for learning and beneficial communication, but does not allow it to steal from him the time for maintaining ties of kinship or reading the Quran. This requires struggle against the self and discipline at first, until it becomes a firmly rooted habit.
Fourth: in managing professional and geographical changes. Many people today are forced to change their profession several times or to move to other countries in search of a livelihood or security. At every such turning point, the believer returns to his list of priorities to reorder it according to the new situation. If he travels far from his family for work, he takes care to stay in constant contact with them, send them maintenance, and return periodically if possible, so that ties of kinship are not severed. If he finds a morally different environment in the land of his expatriation, he makes safeguarding his religion and his family's religion a top priority, by finding believing companions there or connecting with Islamic centres. He is thus aware that changing circumstances do not, in principle, change his basic goals, but rather adjust the means of achieving them.
Fifth: strengthening the spiritual role in the family and society despite the accelerating pace of life. It is true that today's world is materialistic in orientation, but the psychological and spiritual needs of individuals remain important, and indeed grow in importance with the pressures of life. Applying the priorities of the believing man therefore includes giving space to meaning and spirituality in his own life and the lives of those around him. He takes care, for example, to gather with his family for a few minutes daily to read a short supplication or a Quranic verse and study its meanings together, to remind them all that they have a soul nourished by these words. He sets aside weekly time to attend congregational prayer or a religious gathering with his children to deepen their religious awareness. Some may consider these matters secondary amid the rush of work and study, but in the Islamic scale they are a priority, because they preserve the overall direction and bring blessing to one's time. Recent studies have shown that families with shared spiritual practices are more cohesive and better able to cope with pressures. The believer takes up the latest beneficial studies, finds that they accord with the guidance of his religion, and gives them priority.
In the final analysis, ordering priorities according to the Islamic perspective remains valid for every time and place, but the manner of application requires wisdom and flexibility according to the realities of the age. Today's man needs nothing more than adherence to the principle of balance to which Islam has guided: balance between this world and the Hereafter, between work and worship, between the rights of the self and those of others, between the material and the spiritual. Whenever this balance is disturbed, problems appear: if the world overwhelms, religion is lost; and if the world is neglected in the name of religion, one stumbles. This is why Islam came as a middle religion and a moderate way. A man faces entirely new challenges – such as the internet, open media and cultural globalisation – yet the fixed Islamic values give him a standard by which to sort out what benefits him from what harms him. If he always keeps before his eyes the pleasure of Allah and mindfulness of Him, and consults people of wisdom and knowledge about new developments, he will be able to order his priorities correctly, however complex circumstances become. He will thereby achieve both worldly success and happiness in the Hereafter, following the example of the Imams of the Ahl al-Bayt (ʿa), who built up the world with justice and righteous deeds and never forgot their share of the Hereafter.
In a time when voices overlap and compasses are lost, the light of revelation remains the beacon that guides the believer in every field.
Ordering priorities is not an intellectual luxury; it is the key to a life that pleases Allah, reforms the self, builds the family and serves the Umma.
What is required is not that you be perfect, but that you be aware, balanced, sincere in your intention, and seeking Allah's pleasure in every choice.
Sit with yourself today…
Review your schedule, your time, your relationships…
And ask honestly: Do my priorities truly reflect what Allah wants of me?
Begin adjusting with a single step, and you will see how life changes when it is ordered by the light of insight.
Sources and references: the Holy Quran; Nahj al-Balāgha; al-Kāfī by al-Kulaynī; Man lā yaḥḍuruhu al-faqīh by al-Ṣadūq; Wasāʾil al-Shīʿa by al-Ḥurr al-ʿĀmilī; narrations reported from Imam ʿAlī ibn al-Ḥusayn (ʿa) in Risālat al-Ḥuqūq (the Treatise on Rights); hadiths reported from the truthful Imams (ʿa) on work and earning, seeking knowledge, serving people and righteous companionship; statements of contemporary scholars (Shaykh al-Ṣaffār and others) on the balance between this world and the Hereafter and the impact of technology on the family; the website Islam Question and Answer on the rights of the wife alongside the rights of the parents; and various sermons and cultural articles. All of these supported the content of the article and demonstrated that ordering priorities according to Islam is an integrated method that combines building up the life of this world with success in the Hereafter, in precise balance and profound wisdom.
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